Cooled down but still smoking

Not as horny today, fewer mistakes made, but still feeling pretty generally unhappy, unfortunately.

Plans change

Plans change. Things don’t happen exactly as I thought they might. Not in a bad way though, just a different way.

I’m feeling very uncertain today. Which is a shame. It’s not what I wanted to be feeling today.

I don’t want to make any rash decisions but I have a feeling about where things are leading.

But I will try not to get ahead of myself and just keep taking it as it comes.

Off in the real world

I’ve not been posting much here because I’m actually out there seeing a real life guy multiple times. You could almost say I’m dating him.

And it’s exactly what I’ve needed for so long so I’ve got nothing to complain about.

Some good news at last.

On track… but

I am closer to my goal than I’ve ever been… but perhaps it is showing me that I’m not quite ready for it.

I am trying my very best to not over analyse everything… but doing it anyway.

I still have a lot to learn but my dating exp is increasing hugely.

Three times in a row

It’s pretty much hard to believe that I’m going on a date tomorrow, and not only that a third date. I don’t know what’s going on. It’s kind of a wild ride and different to anything I’ve had before.

I’ve still got some doubts. I’m not feeling exactly what I think I should be feeling. I wonder if I’m actually trying to sabotage a potential point of happiness. Maybe somewhat happy is happy enough? Maybe I’ve been too brainwashed by popular culture into wanting something that no one (or only some people) actually get.

I don’t know but I will see how it develops.

Going with it

Went out last night. Had a good time. Still not sure how it’s going. But I feel happy. I feel like I want to spend more time with him. Just going with it.

And in other news, the boss (several levels above me that is) I have a crush on has added me as a friend on facebook. Accept or Deny? Hard decision!

Working out

With the promise of a second date this weekend (even if I’m not sure about how much I want it to be a date rather than just a mate date) I’ve been hitting the gym. A lot. Four times in four days. This is a huge increase in what I’ve been doing in the past weeks, and a huge increase in what I was doing a few months ago. Hopefully it all pays off. I’m already happier with my arms.

This weekend

I’m still not sure what’s going on after Sunday’s date. I have been thinking about it a lot but no brilliant flash of inspiration has come to me. Instead I keep trying to hope myself into wanting him more than I do.

So my weekend ahead is rather unplanned. There’s a bunch of stuff I would like to do, money I should probably save instead, and the feeling I should leave myself open for opportunities.

I was going to get my haircut tomorrow night but instead I’m thinking of waiting a week or so longer and doing more exploration of the idea of colouring my hair – for a change, a new look. It’s that or a relapse of Movember next month!

25 Aug to 31 Aug

Goal #2 complete: deleted guys from my msn contact list that I’ve spent far too long hoping would suddenly like me the way I want them to.

Workout clothes. Towels. Soap. Water bottle. Runners. No excuses or putting the gym off til tomorrow. I’m ready to go today.

Booked time in my calendar to go to the gym this afternoon… and then fears of wild weather mean we’re being sent home early!

Goal #3 (Work out at the new gym) complete. Not sure about this during the working day thing though, I think end of the day will be better.

Really didn’t make the most of the “go home early” pass at work today, but did get home before the hail hit which was good.

Watched two movies on DVD tonight. Feels kind of indulgent to so this on a Tuesday night. Neither was that good though.

“Suburban Girl” was not a good movie but it has me thinking about dating an older man (if I can find a Baldwin?!?)

Hmm. Not so sure about my results in the gym fitness assessment. Nothing ‘bad’ but nothing in ‘average’. Guess I’ll be there everyday then!

Nice healthy lunch. Gym session. Feeling rather unstressed about work now compared to this morning.

My body clock has been one day ahead all week. Isn’t it Saturday today? Oh well, Gym again today to continue the reset of my body.

Decided “Heart Start” would be a better class to do today than “Abs and Stretch”. I hope I’m happy, now that I’m choosing this.

I don’t live to regret it, but wow that was a tough class! I am spent.

19 months after I bought FFXII I am finally playing it. Amazed it’s been on my shelf that long!

Did a lot of running around today chasing after things and got nothing in the end.

Off to the gym to go through a workout plan. Still have sore limbs from Friday though.

Must not look at the naked men in the work gym change rooms. Must not look! (But definitely stuff worth looking at!)

Catching up

I could not get online on Sunday which annoyed me. Apparently it was a nationwide problem with Bigpond as I learnt when, after three hours trying to connected, I rang up and put up with their automated system to get an answer.

Monday night I wasn’t online long because I was out seeing the taping of two episodes of Spicks and Specks. I had a great time, laughed so much, the episodes are on in the next two weeks.

Last night I tried out our new wireless connection which does work well and have one less wire is nice.

Tonight it took me two hours to get home due to a fatal accident on the line. The cause makes it hard to be angry about it. I took two buses instead to get home which was good practice for my return to LA and their bus system next month.

I’m still waiting to hear again from Kitt who I caught up with on Friday. I am a little concerned I did something wrong again but I have to wait and see.

Off to work early tomorrow for a demonstration off site.